“There is only us. There is no ‘them.’ Whenever someone suggests to you,
whomever it may be in your life, that there is a ‘them,’ run away. Othering is the simplistic binary way to make and identify enemies,
but it is also the surest way to our own self imprisonment.” -- Ken Burns
When I read this statement from Ken Burns’ speech, I thought that this perfectly expresses why I’m committed to the Braver Angels organization and its process, and willing to be an active part of the Ely Alliance. His quote describes the concerns many of us who have united in this group feel about where our national political discourse stands right now, and the potential consequences of continuing in simplistic, binary, un-nuanced ways of engaging with our families and friends.
I’m weary of media outlets on all sides fanning the flames and reaping the benefits of discord. I find this division stressful and socially restrictive. Limiting our conversations and relationships to those in our echo chamber is stifling. On the other hand, communicating in a self-righteous “I’m right and you’re wrong” style with those with whom we disagree only widens the gap and drives us further away from each other, literally. Is this really the behavior that we want to model for our children and grandchildren? We have the ability to do better.
When we categorize others as either good or bad, it's easy for us to vilify and marginalize those who believe differently or hold other opinions than we do. Gray areas exist in every issue. It’s easier to think about “this or that,” “them or us,” but that's not how the world works. When we engage in binary thinking, we make assumptions about others and their convictions which leads to conflict and division.
The Braver Angels rules of engagement demand that we tackle conversations with others in a manner that is more nuanced. It stresses active listening and learning from the experiences of others in a more complex way. And, most importantly, in my opinion, it brings us into relationship with those we might have overlooked if we had not met them in a “human to human” situation.
In the brief history of our local Ely Braver Angels Alliance, I’ve experienced conversations on a broad range of topics in small group discussions comprised of community members who are politically either blue leaning, red leaning or Independents. I’ve learned that some of my neighbors have a different viewpoint about such hot-button topics as abortion than I do and I’ve listened to their reasons for feeling the way they do. And it makes more sense when I hear the stories that contribute to their viewpoints.
I’ve learned that none of us are thrilled with our political system and that we all have concerns about the upcoming elections. We all that believe gun violence is way too common. And since I began writing this, we’ve just experienced a presidential assassination attempt. How has our collective discourse contributed?
We’ve discussed immigration and recognize that nobody among us believes in open borders and no one advocates for closing the borders altogether. We’re learning to at least discuss potential solutions for local and national issues. If we’re not changing the world, we’re at least changing the way we view one another. And maybe that can change the world a little.
It’s important for all of us who participate to recognize that the bridge-building that we strive for in Braver Angels is not about changing our views or compromising our deeply-held values. It’s about being open to a broader range of ideas and rejecting the binary thinking that reduces complex human beings into "us" and "them."
Meeting our friends and neighbors in a space that encourages listening deeply and responding respectfully requires an effort, doing our homework, to attempt to discern why others feel differently than we do. It helps to avoid “othering,” or viewing a group of people as intrinsically alien.
In Braver Angels, we recognize that our life experiences, or stories, inform our values, beliefs and actions. And each person’s story is as important as the next. We believe in the shared humanity of our neighbors and in the possibility of living civilly and with understanding. And we believe in doing this even though we don’t agree on many issues. But we often find that we agree more often than we might think we do. And we only recognize this because we talk to one another.
I’m an optimist, and any time there is a chance, even a slight one, of coming to a better understanding of a fellow human, or even making a new friend, because I’ve made the effort to listen and understand, count me in.
“Whatever our differences, we all love this country and we all care fiercely about our children’s futures.
And we don’t have time for hatred.
And we don’t have time for bigotry.
And we don’t have the luxury of just popping off and
saying whatever comes to the top of our heads.
Don’t have time for that.” -- President Barack Obama
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